My life is a flow chart. As I grow and become more comfortable in my own skin I reach further for my own personal growth. While I will always be a mother to three children, I only have two now and as a result have time for myself like I never have. I want to make it clear I was not ready to be an empty nester, the choice was made for me.
Because of that choice, I am making myself a priority. It has been over 23 years since I was able to make myself a priority in the way I have been able to do now. I have decided to learn as much as I can and grow from the choices, right or wrong. It doesn’t matter it feels like living for the first time in 26 years.
I have been dating but really my priority is to feel comfortable with myself to do things on my own. I have embraced that hole heartedly. Nothing in life will hold me back again, even the pain I endure daily over losing my child. But I owe it to myself to live life and not regret any choices I make in my life.
I don’t need permission to live my life, just a way to be responsible for what I do. In the coming weeks I will be taking up Cello lesson, studying for a test I need to take and securing a summer job. (I don’t work at my normal job during the summer). I also plan on taking a weekend get-a-way on my own and enjoying my time being alone.
I have decided a flow chart makes more sense than a bucket list. Bucket list are designed on knowing what you want. I don’t know what I want so a flow chart seem more logical. If I like something I have tried then I can try something else, but if not I don’t continue on that same path. Having joined a single group will make it much easier for me to decide what I want to do, as the plan the month for you. And you know what, I am going to try new and adrenaline invoking activities. I have nothing to lose. No I am not in any crisis, I’m just a woman trying to find her nich in this world, I am making new friends and finding out who I really am.
It is my job to learn who I am. I have the emotional security and understanding of myself to be able to move forward on this path. I no longer need anyones help telling me who I am. Or for that matter having someone help me stand up for myself. Anyone who turned their back on me, don’t worry, you can keep it turned I don’t need you or people like you in my life. If you didn’t think I was of value when I needed you, you certainly are not of value to me when I don’t, true friend are not like that.
In endured way too much in my life to go back allowing the people who didn’t value me to come back into my life. There is no reason you could possibly give me anyway. So thank you, for the pain and tears I shed over you, because it has made me see you not only didn’t care about me but didn’t value me. All my best.