Muscle Memory

I have been taking cello lessons for about two months now. The initial process of starting to learn the instrument has been a bit difficult. I find the hardest part for me, has been to feel natural holding the instrument and bow properly. I am astonished by how quickly the muscle memory is building, even though it still feels foreign.

I appreciate how meditative just learning and practicing cello has been, as well as how it has helped me to not focus on things that are cumbersome and stressful in my life. I have a long way to go before I can say I play the cello, but I can tell you the benefits I’ve gained have been much needed in my life and out weigh any negatives.

As my life has morphed and changed in as many ways as one can be pulled, I realize more than ever how important growth is to my wellbeing. Without prior knowledge of the benefits of what I was doing for myself, I added more exercise back into my life, I began practicing meditation, and I took up an instrument. In addition, I decided I would push my fears aside, as it turns out when I show fear for anything, the fear has ended up finding me first. Instead of letting my fears come to me I go to them, and that is where my control has been.

In the last six months much has changed in my life, but the one constant is my ability to be resilient and try new adventures even in spite of my fear. I feel more in control and happy with the changes I’ve made and continue to make. Don’t get me wrong, some of the changes have been excruciating, and lonely but I know I am a healthier person because of making those steps. Of course I am not recommending you put your life through the chopper, but what I am saying is it can and will get better. The key is to live life and give yourself time to heal.

Never in a million years would I have imagined what I went through to happen to me, some days I still can’t fathom it. At some point (I am sure) I will feel as if my life has finally become unified and cohesive in nature, and settled down. With as awful as things once were, it has shown me the importance of loving yourself, the things you do and finding people who love and support you.

I’ve always been about being happy and having life be as simple as possible. The moments we cherish, the meaningful gestures we give and receive, our perseverance, how we love and who we are, mean everything to me. But sometimes you have to let go and just free fall and be comfortable with being uncomfortable.

The disasters in life, if nothing else teach us we have to let go at the same time focus on what matters and take life moment by moment. It isn’t easy, but good things never are. My life is mine, I own it and I am living it.


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