Any resemblance of what once was is gone. I have moved on, slowly day by day, learning to forge a new start from the tatters I had left of my life. I would not say my ability to move forward has been any amount of courage (that aided me in my ability to to move forward), but more the fact I couldn’t stay where I was in life and be happy or find happiness of any kind. To me my happiness is paramount, and I know that I am responsible for creating my own happiness, happiness is homegrown. Don’t get me wrong, there are hard days left in my life, in fact for most people that is the case, life is like that for all of us, not matter the circumstances.
Happiness is a choice we can all make, even when overcoming hard times. I have had some extremely hard times, but I will not dwell on them, or mourn what I lost any longer than I have to. Don’t get me wrong, I feel the loss, but my life will not be spent living in the past or wishing for what could of been. If it could have been it would have happened. It didn’t happen and I have to let go and move on and embrace my life and the future I still have.
I have been focusing on me and only me for the very first time in my life. I am living my life in an uplifting and empowering way, I feel so in control. There is nothing better than taking life strongly in your hands and doing for yourself in ways you would have never done normally. I feel for the first time I am really living my life, truly growing as an individual and knowing what it means to live.
I am not letting fear of any kind hold me back now or ever again. I have allowed fear to dictate so much in my life and in the end it did more harm than good. Besides overcoming fears are a good thing and whence growth, real growth takes places inside of us and in our life. It is such a new feeling having the courage to do what you were afraid to do. To me that is the true test of growth and strength and ultimately what living life is about.
It took the worst heartache and loss to obtain this strength. I guess loss can really be a facilitator of growth. It doesn’t mean the loss is any less felt, it just means I chose to let go and live my life as the individual and person I am – live life for myself. It is a great feeling and extremely empowering and to be honest scary. But… this type of scary I can do. I am pushing the parameter out away from me, as I define new temporary boundaries. This is what life is, about and gives you the most control.
I am loving the power I have over my own life (path), even while I do not necessarily like all the life changes I’m experiencing. I know there are (some) people in my corner, as well as the people who want to see me fail by falling flat on my face. I will do plenty of both. But the fact I am moving forward and am taking the chances, well all I can say is it will give you both something to talk about. In the end however it will show the real strength I have. I do not need to depend on someone else for my self esteem, or self worth. I do not need those who sabotage me. I am succeeding. Hell, I might even try sky diving!! Or maybe not!!! LOL