Sarah’s Thoughts

Pathetic and at a loss she stood there in tears. Unable to fully understand what had happened, dumbfounded and miserable, she hoped she didn’t look like she was crying, instead hoped she appeared as if she was having an allergic sneeze fest. Never in a million years would she have believed this would happen. She, a hands on caring mother… It didn’t matter now. Nothing she could do would change what had happened or the pain she had to find a way to deal with. Finding the strength to finally leave her unhealthy, abusive marriage ended up causing what was most precious to her to be taken. In fact Sarah’s ex husband said he would do it and he did, make her pay by pay her back for everything she had done. It didn’t matter if she was a good person and crying, the fact remained, divorce destroyed her children and hurt them to the core, but, so did the fact Sarah stayed in an abusive marriage and stayed as long as she did. Perhaps losing her youngest was for the best. Certainly not anything she wanted, or even hoped for, but she did not want her children to ever suffer. Having ties severed made it so the youngest didn’t need to be caught in the middle. Looking back she had so many memories and knew she would never have them again with her youngest. She knew for all intents and purposes the youngest was his collateral damage and his possession he won. She felt a pang in her heart, pushed back the sadness and hoped her daughter found what she was looking for. Please let her be happy, Sarah thought. Standing there unsteady on her feet, Sarah had a flood of memories hit her all at once. The memories caused an immense feeling of heaviness and emptiness deep in her soul. She knew she would no longer have the ability to make any new memories with her youngest child. Tell her how much she loved her, see her smile, laugh, or even see her experience milestones in her life. The sad truth is, what it came down to, was that her ex husband wanted Sarah to pay. Pay for ending their marriage, and his security of having someone take care of him, never mind the things he had done. But while it hurt Sarah, the real travesty was in the end it would hurt her daughter more, far more.Yes Sarah was suffering, greatly, but she was an adult, and one way or another she would get through it. She thought of all her children, how they all suffered. Her heart went out to them, all the things they put up with and had to endure. Her children had always, would always be the most important thing to her. With all her heart and everything she was, she loved them. Wiping back the tears on her cheeks Sarah smiled a sweet, soft smile of hope. Not because she had lost a child, but because she had the love and support of two children who knew the truth, and many wonderful people in her life to help her. Of course Sarah intended on using this time to grow, learn and invest in herself, but knowing people loved her… Then there was her daughter that was gone, she severed all ties. Maybe one day, but that day wouldn’t be any day in the foreseeable future if at all. Collateral damage. Her poor sisters who lost her too. Kids don’t deserve this.

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