Mindful

I was off Friday. Waking up when my body wanted to get up and leisurely taking my time. I had big plans, a list of todo items I wanted to get done, instead I went to take a nap and slept the afternoon away. When I woke I decided I was not going to push myself and enjoy this day of relaxation. To tell you the truth, I cannot tell you the last time I had such a relaxing day.

There has been a major shift in how I feel about what transpired, and I have let go. I don’t know what changed in me to have this shift, I just know it has changed in me. I am no longer torn about what has come to pass. I have not cried in days, not one tear. It feels good to not mourn anymore. It feels good to not think about her all the time, or when I do to not feel like I did. I feel like there are no longer feelings associated with her, (because something has been disconnected in me).

Choices, we all make choices we need to live with. Good or bad it doesn’t matter, as long as they are made in honest ways. These were made in deceitful untruthful ways and it isn’t I who must live with those consequences. Yes I still need to live with them, but not in the same way as someone who lies and is the cause. In time karma will come back, it does on us all, in one form or another.

My focus. My focus is now where it should have been all along, on me. What happened is something for the people who caused it, they must deal with it, I just need to focus on myself and what is best for me, oh and my dog! This time, this precious time I am embracing for there is a limited amount of time we all have living. To grow, that is my goal. My children, the two wonderful girls I have by my side, who love and support me, what a gift they are to me and to be in there lives and them in mine. I do not take for granted anyone who care for me.

I am surrounded by good people who care for me and have let me know they are there. That by far has been empowering and uplifting knowing they believe in and support me. They know the person I am and stand by me. It feels good, incredibly comforting knowing the support I have is because of who I am.

I live with transparency, I have integrity, I’m honest and I have deep moral values. I am proud of who I am. I will continue to grow and face my fears because this is my life and I want the most out of it as I can obtain. Life, my life, I am present in it.

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