Today I spent the majority of the day sleeping and cuddled with my dog. I was just exhausted beyond belief and he seemed just as happy as I did to have the time together, periodically he would come up to my face and lick me, but he was always on my bed cuddled up against me. It was the best feeling in the world having him so close to me cuddling with me, not so much having his long tongue bathe me, lol, but I wouldn’t change it. I really wished it would have never ended, as I don’t get to spend much time like this with him especially as often as I would like to, I know he loves me as much as I love him, just by how he acts when I come to see him or when I have to leave. That dog means the world to me.
Saying goodbye when you have an attachment is one of the hardest things to do, especially when you have no control over what is happening or what will happen. Most of my life seems to have that feeling, empty and lost, so I work to center myself and take care of what I do have perceived control over. As of late there really isn’t all that much I have a facade of control over, so I’ll take what I can get.
What I do have some semblance of control over is my knitting, crocheting and writing, my dog, my feelings, the effort I put out to make my life happy and sound. But to help me move myself through some deeply painful areas of my life, I took the enormous basket of yarn I have with some unfinished projects and have decided to work on finishing them. My hope in getting the basket cleared out and these projects finished is not not absence of accomplishment but pride. I need something positive and uplifting and creating helps me with that. Right now I have no control over my life in any real way, which makes it hard to feel as if I have any say in what direction my life is headed or where it will go, let alone the feeling of any hope. The overwhelming fact of the matter is, I have nothing concrete in my life and that make feeling secure difficult.
The knitting/crocheting projects I’m working on helps to keep my mind off, well of everything right now. Counting the stitches in a melodic like tone is almost like a riff of music in my head and is calming. While I was working on the crocheting my dog was either cuddled up next to me, or under the project by my feet. The only thing I had to worry about, is my yarn as he loves to take off with the yarn making a huge tangle mess. I get so frustrated with him but it is so hard to stay upset with him as he is so cute. But you better believe I am cursing him out for the seconds it took him to knot up my yarn, as I work hours to get the tangled mess he made into a ball.
No matter where I put my yarn he finds a way to get it, and will run all over with it, and I don’t know how he does it. As much as I say I dislike his puppy stage (he is three), the joyful happiness he has while jumping around playfully makes me smile and my heart burst with love for him. My projects turn out wonderfully even in spite of Riley and his mischievous nature