When you Lose a Child

My life, is so topsy-turvy, especially in ways I would never have conceptualized ever, mainly because of the type of person I am.  I do not, for the life of me understand how as honest and straightforward as I am, how things in my life could be in the upheaval they are.  I lost my daughter due to lies both she and her father told and I am going to share them with you, I have nothing to hide and will not cower because he thinks he won.  In the end it will cause more pain and heartache and time will reveal it.  If it doesn’t, I will be clear and free of conscience for I didn’t do what has been said about me.

As a way of punishment I would turn my daughters phone off for misbehavior and when she came around I would turn it off, but never was she without a phone, as a land line was available to her.  She was not happy I did this, but as her mother I felt I needed some control over her, especially since she had mental health issues and I wanted her to be able to understand how important it was to follow and adhere to strict structure to aid her in being able to recover as much as possible.

When her father came back in the picture, he was bound and determined to get custody of her, (I️ had a restraining order against him for 18 months because of what he did to me and our children) and I believe he played on her insecurities and emotional struggles.  I was divorced ten days and sent him an email on the parenting app letting him know what he needed to pay me for, I got a reply back telling me what I need to stop doing, and how he wasn’t going to pay me as I hadn’t sent him what he though he should have.  He told me to sign over custody now and I never believed he would gain it, I was a loving and giving mother and took care of my daughter incredibly well.

My daughter got over the top angry at me for shutting her phone off,  and talked to her father.  I believed they devised a plan so she could go stay with him.  I️ never told her I️ didn’t love her, wished her dead or call her what my ex alleges. The police were called to do a wellness check on her, she told me she couldn’t stay with me, how much she hated me and never loved me, and her father told her she didn’t need to listen to me.  The police never said they would arrest me but anything he put in there to look good he did. When I got to the hospital no one would let me know what was going on, later I found out she alleged verbal abuse. I did manage to see her, at the hospital, but she was angry and at me, and didn’t want to hear me, so I left.  When my daughter was to be released, it was going to be to me as she was fine coming home to me, however that is when my ex husband filed the restraining order and I lost my daughter.

I️ am clearly a  Neophyte when it comes to manipulation and falsifying information on a restraining order or displaying this type of behavior in my life in general. I️ was never being verbally abusive to my daughter.  She kept insisting she was going to her fathers house, I stated she wasn’t able to and if she did I would call the police on him, but he had called them on me making up that I was abusing my daughter and causing her to harm herself.  I did not harm her at all, she has borderline personality and is bipolar and for years I did everything I could to help her.  The judge, Judge Davenpot didn’t want to listen to me, or my lawyer, see the parenting app that showed my ex was harassing me.

When we went back to court for the follow-up to the emergency OOP my daughter lied saying I was also physically abusive saying I slapped her on the face.  I did slap her on the face, but it was weeks prior to all this happening and it was due to the fact she had her sister pinned down on her bed and was punching her in the stomach threatening to face time her dad so he sister would have a panic attack.  I didn’t know how to get her off her sister, and didn’t want to call the police on her. The other daughter was in hysterics over it

DCFS was indeed called on me prior, when the daughter was having hallucinations and it was all unfounded.  In addition her father also has had DCFS called on him, he has an arrest warrant out for him in a different state for accosting the daughter who has been diagnosed with PTSD from him violently hitting and kicking her out of the car on the express way telling her no one loved her, and he got our oldest arrested taping her for something he set up.  The judge wouldn’t even consider that either.

The daughter testified against me in court after telling her middle sister she loved and missed me and wanted to come home.  She told her she would help so she could come back home and it never happened. My only guess is she was promised her own room and to have lots of money spent on her and of course get her way, because she lied and now I cannot see her for two years.   My ex said he tried to change the judges mind but I also have the transcript from court, and no records of her hospital stays were ever allowed into evidence. A poem I wrote about her and my life, and being strong, Open Road  she only mentioned in court saying that I said I was an empty nester and couldn’t even get the name of my web site right because she didn’t know it. My ex told her about it otherwise she had no idea how to find it as I was not her Face Book friend, but had she read it she would have seen it was about her. I do not make as much as my ex, and I do not have someone who helps me like is now girlfriend he moved in with while we were still married does. So I️ cannot give my daughter the physically things she wants, all I️ could give her was love and my time.

After all was said and done I have no idea what he has said or made my daughter believe.  I know he has continued to lie to anyone he can so he can look like a better human being, better than he really is or ever was. In the end he has to cover all his lies, and spin his web of untruths.

I️ have to move on and close this chapter of my life letting go of my daughter and how much I️ love her. There is nothing more I️ can do. She made her choice and chose to cut me out of her life completely, making up lies about me with her father’s help. I️ am not allowed to know anything at all about her. I️ do believe he told her I️ didn’t want to see her when it was what they did that caused this. My ex husband has now gotten back at me for everything he has perceived I️ did to him, when I️ was really protecting myself. He isn’t a good person and will attack any chance he gets. I️ hope his girlfriend sees who he is before he hurts her, because he will hurt her, poor thing.

I️ know this is hard to read, but for me it is a cathartic release so I️ can now move on, now there is nothing further I️ can do to change what has happened.

Thank you so much for supporting me and letting me know you value what I️ have to say and how I️ write!

With love

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