The way my life has twisted and turned and continues to progress forward as unnatural as it feels, there was no other path for me to take. It is the here and now I concentrate on using my past experiences to help propel me forward; with the knowledge of experience and my inner strength bound together with honesty, integrity and perseverance. I have learned so much about who I am and how to deal with the many unscrupulous acts and behaviors my ex spouse has perpetrated against me.
I have been taking domestic abuse classes, learning that so much of how he treated me was indeed abuse. It has opened my eyes to many of the ways he acted inappropriately that I accepted. I have been reading books from the Dalai Lama, for example, and learning that my way of thinking and believing, something my ex tried to say was unnatural, is indeed natural. All the years of abuse I endured thinking I was the problem, really was him. In many ways this knowledge is freeing for me and empowering.
I am so sure that I will never again allow someone in my life to treat me in any of the unhealthy ways I was treated, like being waken up every hour on the hour for two days straight or being driven off the road. Things I just accepted and was so sure no one would believe because he would tell people how abusive I was, when it was normally out of defense. Normally I do not think of or dwell on what he put me through, as it is in not anything I can change, however the classes and books I have been reading have helped me come to terms with many of the abusive behaviors he has and would use on me, often.
I feel empowered by all I have learned and see the unwavering strength I have developed and continue to hone in on. The more I grow emotionally the more I see how much I have to offer and that anything I put my mind to I can do. Yes I am saying it but I am also doing it, putting into action my conviction and empowering myself. I know I am more self assured and approachable because I feel more relaxed being me. I know I am I am filled with loving kindness and will make a difference in the lives I touch, especially the lives of my beloved children, who mean more to me than they could ever know. I know this because I know in their hearts they value and love me for how I have loved and helped them grow as individuals.
As individuals we have a responsibility to our own happiness. I believe true happiness derives from a sincere approach to life. Being kind and compassionate to others, having integrity, being openly honesty, living in a minimalistic way and having a willingness to help, grows our own happiness. My proxy who is helping me, and I cannot tell you how thankful I am for all he has done, also possesses these qualities, or he wouldn’t be doing what he is, which I am grateful for.
I know that this alone will not ensure I have a good life, but it will ensure I have a happy one. Everyone has problems, but it is how I chose to look at and see those problems that will ultimately determine how I am affected by them. I have obtained so much knowledge from so many different avenues as of late that I am elated by all the insight and growth I now have as part of me.
Thank you. Thank you to all of you who hold me in your heart and value me as your friend, who knew that I could when I didn’t. Who stood by my side, giving me your friendship, supporting me, knowing what I endured and lived through and never believing the lies. Lies have a life of their own and the power that fuels them; unrelenting anger and hate which never lasts. In time, I give it time and take a step back, instead I chose to focus on myself and the people who surround me, including my children. I am not alone, thank you:)