Upon waking early, I had a difficult time getting out of bed, especially considering the air temperature was so much colder than the comfort of my warm bed. I love the feel of being warm, the weight of the blankets on me is comforting. Usually I pull the blankets almost over my face and get cozy under the blankets and sleep like that, as a result it took me a few minutes to get the motivation to get out of the warm confines I was cocooned in.
The morning was a cold one, but not uncommon this time of year, it just has been unseasonable warm for a good part of this fall season, except for the last several days. Today, I broke out my early winter coat, I get cold so easily and I’d rather be on the warmer side. This time of year it is so easy to get cold for me. The car, fogged over with condensation had to be warmed up. With the change of season to cold temperatures many aspects of life change to a more prepared approach.
Over all I’m the type of person who likes to prepare and also needs to, for the mere reason of having some feeling of organization and control in my life. For many aspects of life I have certain protocols I follow to ensure I have a greater chance of a positive outcome. The control comes into play on how I handle what I can in the beginning, not so much on the end result. I can honestly say by managing aspects of life like this I feel more secure and comfortable.
I believe we as individuals don’t realize how much of what we identify with, or like is as a result of who we are genetically, as well as who raised us or how we we were raised. I see looking back on my upbringing, how much of who I was, was already part of me from my earliest memories of things I liked or didn’t like. From an age of 4, I knew I loved color, lots of colorful things, I loved words, my first word I could spell was DIRT which came around age 6 or 7. I loved to clean and I have a strong aversion for dirty messy things. There are many more memories that I have from my early childhood that I can see have played a part in who I was as a child.
As I have gotten older those very things still are a huge part of me. Of course we can develop our own offshoot on our path if we choose to, and I have, but fundamental ingrained aspects of who we are, are just that, who we are. I have always been drawn to learning and wanting to know and wanting to master what ever I pick up. Not saying I master what ever I touch, just that I try. I enjoy figuring people out, including myself, and I know myself pretty darn well. The better you know something the more connected you are to it and the more confidence you have. I’m all about feeling confident in things you do as well as in the person you are. I think confidence comes with being secure about yourself as an individual. In order to be confident and secure with yourself you need to know why you like or don’t like the things you come in contact with or that touch your life. You have to face, the dark inner part of who you are, and above all like who you are. If you find faults in everything you do, or are overly critical of how you are, how can you treat others well? I’ve also learned confidence is built on good morals and things that make you feel good about life; i.e. a profession you have that is rewarding.
If I display bad behavior or do something that doesn’t make me feel good, I analyze why and atone for it. As individuals we know when something doesn’t leave us feeling good, and I listen to my inner voice, which is my moral compass and it means to me this is who I am. If what I do doesn’t make me feel good or happy then it isn’t worth doing. That pertains to most everything in my life, accept math. But even that I have made progress on.
I realize how important it is to know yourself, but it is also just as important to know what you don’t want or like. I didn’t want to be married to my ex husband any more, because morally he wasn’t a good person, (not to mention all the other things he has done). Now that is a person who isn’t happy and doesn’t like life.
I gather much of my input on people from reading their faces and body language. I listen to how people say things and the manner in which they speak. Above all I listen to my intuition, that gut feeling we all have. The negative characteristics I don’t like are, dishonest or disloyal people, liars, people who have an insatiable need to impress you, can’t be depended on or who are know-it-all’s. In general people who think they are superior to others. What I find positive attributes in people are, kindness, being thoughtful, a straight forward nature, helpfulness, gentleness, a willingness to communicate.
What traits we identify in others boils down to the message they are sending out about who they are. If you want to be likable you need to show likability, if you want to be trusted you need to not lie, about anything. If you want to be good at communicating you need to communicate. In short you need to live up to your own personal expectations you should want to live by. As I have gotten older, more and more it becomes apparent that the love I have given and shown my children, the work I do, how I communicate, treat people, the kindness and genuine nature I have, have benefited me in the most profound ways. I live my life as open and transparent as I can because I have nothing to hide or be ashamed of.
Of course we all have times where “shit happens”. Life is very much cyclical in nature, causing us to all have good or bad times at one time or another. But when times are bad, that’s when the people you count on will be there, but if you aren’t someone who has good values or a moral compass, well you get what you give out of life. The normal course of events will cause what you have done to come back to you, good or bad. Time shows what you don’t want seen.
As I have stated in other posts, the last several month have been extremely hard on me in many ways. By living my life with good intentions and as a positive person with attributes that show my integrity as a woman, I have reaped some awesome reciprocal support and kindness. I had support when I needed it on Monday, and today returning to work all the people I work with came up to me and gave me hugs and told me how happy they were I was back. What an amazing feeling that so many people like me:) Just like the comfort and warmth I got from my bed this morning but emotionally so much more fulfilling, because people matter!
I’m off, heavy coat left in the car for a sweater!