From the ashes of my own personal despair and the great losses I’ve experienced, I am ascending forth into the unknown. Scattered throughout are embers that still glow, but are hidden within the cool ash. I can feel the smoldering heat both beneath my feet and surrounding me but it won’t claim me. I refrain from allowing myself to be drawn to the warmth some ash gives off or to allow myself to acknowledge feeling any heat which might reignite me, not because I don’t need warmth, but because I know all too painfully from experience it won’t help me. What it offers isn’t real and it won’t last, I need something worthy of who I am.
As I walk passed the pockets of heat they offset the chill I feel, but I try not to linger to absorb it, as any more negative memories will not help but hinder me, as I pass by. The pockets of heat, bring forth the emptiness I have to overcome, just as heat robs you from moisture causing your skin to be and feel dry. From everything I have experienced and am now leaving behind the blackness of piles of ash clings and darkens whatever it touches. I do not touch it, as I am reborn, resurrected from the cool ash that was my starting point, my point of origin. The only purpose of the ash now, as I am resurrected with my past knowledge is to move on and be the woman I allowed my self to be held back from becoming. I now have the courage, I will not allow any past mistakes to take root in my psyche, thoughts or beliefs about who I am now at this very moment.
The suffering I put up with and have endured will always be a part of me, however I will no long keep it close to my beating heart and allow it to cause any more heartache as I once allowed. I am choosing to let go and set myself free from any and all responsibility put on me from others, that was never mine to own.
Yes my past will always be a part of who I am, but the ashes as they cool will reveal who I was and have been, and am now. The strengthen, my resolve, and how determined I am is propelling me forward.
I am but a woman who has had endured more than her fair share of being burned by hot coals. I am not afraid to face life alone on my own two feet. When you can be alone and persevere you can do anything, even walk on hot coals.