Open Road

A gradient has happened

Unbeknownst to me

Born out of anger

Delivered to me.

Catastrophically it happened

A wake up call of sorts

I’m now an empty nester

Par for the course

I’m excited for the freedom

Happy for the change

Welcome to accommodate

The daughter who has the reins

May she remember

The love I have for her

My arms would love to hug her

But a someone stole the verbs

Moving forward I have started

Letting go and moving on

Gathered the momentum

And started a new song

On the radar I have scheduled

Plans I’m gonna make

Going with no restrictions

Maybe to the lake

Visit the girls

Now I have the time

Spend time with the boyfriend

On a motorcycle ride
I beg to question

How it could be

Something so drastic

Could turn sadly!

Mwah

Trapped within the coldness

Of a heart turned ice

Is catastrophic deadness

A lack of what is right

You operate with malice

Sociopathic ways

Twisting truth and emotion

Just to get your way

I see you clearly

And I do not fear

The master manipulator

A (used) car salesman debonair

With visceral awareness

I will do what’s right

Shutting down your pathology

Ready for the plight

Do not underestimate

You are not that smart

You may have set the board

But I will throw the dart

With confidence and awareness

Inner strength and truth

I will catch you

and close you in the loop

Do not underestimate

As you play your show

I will be the one

To bask in the glow

The Spider 

Woven it’s a work of art

The threads

 Shimmer and shine

 But do not

get trapped in those deceptions

Or you will pay the price

Bend and flip

Out maneuver

The truth is never seen

Master at your craft you are

Your web is just a string

The spider crawls

To the prey

Cleaver you surely are

But truth doth have a way

To expose the poison

You are

Be safe my child,

grab a tether

Hold on and watch your way

I love you like no other

Remember to stay safe.

The spider has a venom

And you might not awake

You are prey

And being watched

Don’t get tangled in the web

I can handle the dishevel

But It’s you I worry about.

Stay safe

One and only

I send strength to you, don’t doubt

Spiders can be taken care of

Do what you always do

A Patern

Cast in the reflection 
Spins a pretentious past

Covered in haze and fog

It was never meant to last

 

Off in the meadow

At the horizon line

The glade be filled with life aglow

Joy and the divine

I stand motionless

Jovial,

grinning ear to ear

What has happened

Will come to pass

Systematically it approaches

Then it disappears

All in time

lurching  forward
It will reaper

The Queen Moves

The emotional turmoil of the previous night set heavy on me when I awoke early the next morning. No message had been set with an update which could mean one of two things, it was a calculated move or nothing had proceeded. Either way, I was kept out of the loop.The conclusion I came to lay fresh in my mind, and while not predetermined I was certain of what must happen. I knew in my gut this was all about control and money, even though I realized it and saw through it for what it was it still hurt. But I knew one thing for sure I had control of how I chose to react, feel and think.

I took ice from the freezer placed them on my eyes as I walked the dog, and tried to be in the moment. No longer was I emotionally frazzled, or sad about what had happened. Don’t get me wrong it hurt and badly, but as I have found so much of life can hurt.

I am a mother of three, I love my children more than words can express. I would and have done everything I believe a parent should do to give my children the love and stability they need. For most of my children’s lives I was the one who was there emotionally for them and who instilled the values they have, even while married. They came to me and I valued the people they were.

My marriage wasn’t a healthy one and for that I wish I could change the effect it had over them and how detrimental it was. My youngest suffered the greatest, but you cannot turn back what has been done. I know this, I’d move hell and high water for her and her sisters, and would do it as many times as it took to save her.

However I find now this beautiful girl I nurtured and loved has expanded her wings and I must accept it. I bow to her and close my eyes as I set her free. Be safe my love, you are always and forever in my heart.

My heart is heavy but at the same time I am in a trance like focus on what I need to do, will do. I refuse to allow her to be used as a pawn, and will not be the one to manipulate her. I lay down my arms. 

I lay down my arms and take the high road.

Alone but Not Forgotten 

I’ve had a day.  A horrifically terrible day. Never would I have imagined life could be this relentless.  Over and over I recited my anguish to myself and a few good friends. I have lived through so much, and yet, when I think it is finally over more comes.  

I get that feeling I can move on, begin to feel confident, and bam! Not today satan!, as my daughter says. I honestly have no idea what was the cause of today’s incident, but I have a gut feeling on what is going on.  Needless to say while I didn’t like what happened, many things came from it.  

Overall I am still working on processing the drama that ensued but suffice it to say what ever happens it will all be over soon.  There is none to my liking, but it will be what it is.  

I cannot remember when I shed as many tears as I did, but while the tears flowed my mind was processing in ways it never has. Have you ever just felt in a way even if you didn’t like what was going on you had been set free in some way?  The key fit not where you wanted it to, but you were glad it did fit where it did because now you could move on. 

I have relinquish a part of myself, drama has never suited me and I don’t wish to engage.  A kind woman, no one I knew was genuinely caring and helpful, for her kindness I am grateful and hopeful. I will find the silver lining to this all even as my heart is filled with such despair.  The truth is never underestimate a person who has hate driving them.  I made the mistake thinking my life would now settle down.  I do hate roller coasters and this one is a doozy and I find it is best if I disembark. 

Too many times we fail to listen to our inner voice or our gut, it will never steer you wrong. I listened but didn’t know what it was telling me, I just couldn’t put my finger on it. I do now, as the events have been set in motion and can’t be changed. I’m ok with that. 

It’s funny I had no idea what to write about not that I’ve said all that much, but mind you it is far more dramatic and inhospitable that even I could not fathom someone would do this, could do this.  I guess when it comes down to it sometimes it boils down to the money, which I feel this is. 

Tonight I say goodbye.  Goodbye to what this night entailed and the emotionally draining way in which it played out. And now I close my eyes.  May kind thoughts follow me and help me with my anguish. 

Peace to all, 

                  But especially me this night.