The methodical sounds of intense rain woke me. I was bound, wrapped in my covers, drenched in sweat. Opening my eyes I saw a flash of bright light followed by an intense boom. I unraveled myself, spread my arms and legs so they stuck out of the covers and drifted back off to sleep. There was no way even if it was morning I was getting up, besides the rain was lulling me; calm and peaceful, as steady rain normally is. I closed my eyes and I was gone…
The fiercely covered, bright cloudy grey sky, which was unable to dissipate from the high humidity and the dripping wet aftermath of heavy arduous storms, held the days heat at bay. But then at nine in the morning in July you’d expect it to be moderatly like this. It was later the heat should come, intense, humid, and sticky. An indicative summer day in Chicago all too common, and yet, not common at all.
The weather, who doesn’t love the freedom warm summer days bring? Somehow summer makes you feel carefree, invigorated with passion and life. Time seems to slow, at least for me and I enjoy the bounty of freedoms only warm weather offers. I feel for the first time in years my life seems like my own. I know that sounds odd, but in my marriage there was a latent period of dormancy of who I was, I didn’t come first.
My life was on hold and dormant for so long and I had the weight one should share, shackled to me. There was no time, there was no me, not in the sense of being an individual. I’ve sense found me:). I like getting to be me again, this is the summer of me! (Well, me plus my children!)
Every day I enjoy the tranquility a hot steamy summer day in Chicago brings me or what ever Mother Nature dishes out; a rainy, humid day. The clouds might be hinding the sun but I’m shining bright! This summer, my first summer of me, is mine:) I feel alive with purpose. I’m not shackled to a sentence of lost hope, I’ve found it, in myself and the endeavors I’ve achieved.
Soon, very soon, I will no longer have to deal with the tempest, he will finally be removed from my life and put in his place. What ever that place may be, it will no longer concern me, and he can no longer use me as his scapegoat.
I woke to tumultuous storms, and now, the aftermath, a loud quiet calm, not of shallow indifferance, but tranquill peace. It reverberates through me, gives me what I need most, to embrace my life, and be happy for this transition. While summer didn’t do it I’m glad to use it as a vector of my strength.