I woke to an emotional emptiness this morning. I laid in bed going over recent memories in my head. My right hand numb from sleeping so hard, and my body full of mosquito bites. Those savage insects, even with bug spray on I somehow managed to get colonized.
I’m head strong, or so I was told. I have good reason to be. For starters I’m not going to be walked over, so I stand my ground. My guess is when someone tells you, you are head strong, what they really mean is they cannot control you. Unless of course you give up who you are. Except in the case of the mosquito, those diplorabe insects drive me nuts. Next day I’m scratching all over like I have some disease. Ugh!
Am I willful, not really. Usually I’m pretty agreeable and willing to go along with what ever, however if you are trying to insinuate you rule and want things your way, then yes I am going to be obstinate. As an individual I deserve someone who will be respectful and not yell at me or act like they are in charge. Like these stupid bites that yell out to be scratched, my body is in a state of angst from the control from all the bites.
Certain types of control are necessary depending on the relationship and I’m ok with that, for the most part. For example a boss has control over you, (and I respect that), as long as they are a leader and not a dictator. Or as a parent, they have control over a child to ensure they grow in healthy happy ways to go on to lead a productive happy life. But someone you date, or are in any relationship with, there should be no control. It should be an equally balanced dynamic to flourish and thrive. Why because you are for all intents and purposes on equal ground. As I see it when you have a relationship of any kind, it is a carefully orchestrated balancing act you maintain the equilibrium on. As these bites scream out to be scratched, I am aware of how each bite can simultaneously alert me to their presence in varying degrees.
I have no idea how many bites I sustained. I’m covered in them. Obviously I must be desirable and sought out. My charming blood like my personality is a huge draw (pun intended). My demeanor might give the impression I’m willing to give up who I am, but I am most defiantly not.
To maintain anything good you need to work together, learn to understand and be open and willing to bend. The best relationships are those where understanding, acceptance, give and take and lack of a need to control is present. An ameliorated relationship is what I want, and yes to eradicate the pesty mosquito.