For most of my existence I have been a passenger in my own life. Looking back I can tell you it was fear that has held me back most of the time. Mostly fear of the unknown and being pushed out of my comfort zone, a place of safety. It has been an epiphany of sorts to realize while the comfort zone is comforting it isn’t safe and for all intents and purposes you stops living.
It wasn’t as if I realized this over night, had I things would have moved much quicker and choices would have been made sooner. It is more like peices start to fall into place and momentum picked up until finally one day I realized I was really in the center of it all.
Stepping into the unknown is like waking into an abyss, you have no idea where you really are and lose all sense of direction. But somehow as things speed up they also slow down and you realize you are starting to live. The fear I was so afraid to feel has become comforting on some levels, because it means I’m growing and I am no longer a passenger in my life.
I’ve begun to breather deeper and feel safe in my choices. No longer do I have to stop what I want to do, because my needs don’t matter, they matter so much and I am free to make those good or bad choices. I only have myself to answer to. Most choices I have made feel like they are in the right direction, besides I’m certainly not lying to myself to make something fit.
Every day I’m faced with choices and decisions I must make. But I have come to the conclusion being forthright, honest and presenting myself with integrity in a self assured way is the best way to be, as well as being open and nonjudgmental in my approach. It hasn’t always been easy but I feel in the long run I will have much more admiration and confidence in myself for taking on difficult positions in life in this manner.
I have been working on no longer discounting myself or letting someone else set my value. I did that for too long. Today I took a bold positive step partly because while writing this, I realized I was putting myself back in a passenger roll. I don’t want to be that person any more. I’ve spent too much of my life not speaking up or doing what I want and later regretting it.
I’m setting my worth and value higher than I ever have before, but I’m not making myself so valueable I lose my worth or integrity. I’ve come a long way, and realize I must speak up for myself, I must be my own advocate and I must be the driver in my life.
There is so much I want out of my life and I plan on achieving many of them because that is what makes life worth it. I have lots of value and worth and I set my price point! No the road here is not any easy one, but who ever said life was easy didn’t live.