The Draw of Polarity 

When I was a kid I had this magnet I loved for no other reason but I could. I loved watching how it was attracted to other medals, and how strong it’s polarity was.  It was a red u shaped magnet and it had a silver colored base (the size of a piece bazooka gum) that belonged to it at one time.  I don’t know when but the base disappeared.  My guess is because it really wasn’t needed for the magnet to work, however it really worked best with the magnet.  

When I was a young child, it was on the side of our fridge where I’d play with it all the time. When I wasn’t playing with it, it held papers on the side of the fridge where I’d slide it all over.  I can remember the substantial strength of the magnet and as a child struggling to pull it off the fridge.

When my parents divorced I took the magnet with me where it sat on my mother’s fridge until I moved out on my own.  As long as I can remember I have had that magnet and while it is a superficial item it has alway had sentiment value to me.  Occasionally I pick it up, reminisce as I feel the cool metal as my childhood comes flooding back. 

The magnet isn’t as red as it once was, bare metal shows through from being handled so much, but I do believe I’ll have it my entire life.  There aren’t many things I can say that about, or people for that matter.  

Relationships are much like magnets.  You meet someone and the attraction pulls you together, as if you are meant to be.  Sometimes there is no rhyme or reason as to why attraction takes place.  You hope it is spontaneous, you hope you don’t keep repeating or being drawn to the same type of person.  But how do you really know they are wrong until you’re drawn in?  Will the person be your base or will your polarity push them away because they really aren’t meant for you.  

What really is it that draws you to another?  Is it because you seek out (without realizing it) the same traits without knowing you are? For what ever reason you just want that person in your life?  I am scared to death I will be drawn to someone as deplorable as my ex.  I’m not ok with passive aggressive behavior or entitlement, both of which he was and I also grew up with; but how do I prevent [my] history from repeating? While passive aggressive behavior isn’t healthy or ok, I know it, so therefor am I doomed to repeat finding another passive aggressive mate? 

I cease to stop being myself around a person who is passive aggressive.  Not out of fear, but I’ve always been taught to just accept it and move on.  My needs, wants desires are suppressed because I genuinely don’t mind compromise, I do however hate being taken advantage of, or being given a double meaning, which inevitably happens and as a result I no longer can be comfortable being myself.   

I don’t want to have to explain my feelings, or why I was hurt like something is wrong with me. I want someone better in my life than I settled for (in the past).  I want to find someone who can be up front, who thinks of me and recognizes and appreciate our differences and doesn’t expect me to settle. Say what you mean, why is it so hard?  I want a real base, I don’t want a repeat. Until I find my (true) base,  the fridge will work.  It’s not an ideal fit but it has lasted.  At least I’m front and center:) that way. 


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