I cringed when I walked into the room, he like me was waiting for our meeting to begin.  Looking at him I couldn’t believe we were married. What did I ever see in him? Really? 

He was younger than me, but he sure didn’t seem like it.  His posture was a bit hunched, and he waked in a lurching way.  Which drew me to his wrinkiled clothing- so unkempt. The clothes looked like he had been in them all week.  

Looking him over, a though passed through my mind, “he looks god awful.”  His hair was slicked back but not from product, my guess is it had been days since he showered.  Yuck.  His skin color looked off. But then again it had for some time. Probably why he was so sick recently. 

It was no longer my concern.  His girl friend, Amy, now had him as a burden.  If she only knew.  If she only knew.  My guess is she believed every word he said, because why would he lie? I had wondered that for years.  When it came down to it, his behavior was narcissistic, classic signs.  Well at least I felt so. A though passed through my mind, “I’m glad he’s gone, Amy can deal with his games.” I smiled.  

My guess is he was probably thinking, “Oh she is trying to make me think she is happy.” I was happy.  He was almost out of my life, except for the occasional communication due to the children.  The I’m going to triangulate you type. Sigh.  I had restablished who I was as an individual and ready to be on my own, and couldn’t wait until the twins were no longer miners. Only a few more years! 

It sucked, if they only knew what a dead beat their dad was.  But it was their choice to see him. I hand no qualms about it, as long as he put the twins first.  But that was the issue, he never put any of our children first.  In any case he was their father.  Just maybe he would change now things were so different.   

Hearing him speak I knew that would never happen.  He was the same little man he always was, petty and mean.  I knew I had done such a good thing when I left him.  Funny how fear can hold you back, and then wham, you leave and realize how much better things are.  In so many ways I was now at peace. 

The twins, the only children who didn’t cut him out of their lives. The others did. While I got it, it really bothered me that his behavior drove them away. He never was parental. The other three wanted nothing to do with him.  I shook my head as my thoughts of what he had destroyed passed through my mind.

Alone. I couldn’t imagine how lonely and isolated he must feel. He sure did have to tell himself lies to accept the fact his children no longer acknowledged him.  That’s the thing, we all have power and unwittingly his behavior and actions pushed away his children, save the twins. Hopefully he could be a better person for them. 

I looked up.  So odd not to feel anything for him, but I was glad I didn’t. I didn’t even want to be here.  But after all I had to.  “In the end it will work out,” I thought I knew it would.  I was strong.


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