Today’s prompt immeadeatly made me think about life, specifically how everything in life is an illusion of sorts. Everything we experience is about (our) perspective and how we chose to experience and see the world.
It isn’t easy at times seeing the optimisim in a situation, and looking for the lesson if the experience wasn’t good. Letting go of the experienced negative behavior for me has been something I had to learned and developed. Things happen and just because they are not always good doesn’t mean you are a bad person, or life is out to get you, however it can sure fee that way.
I have learned when you take control of your life, even if things are not where you want them to be, good things do happen. They can also happen simultaneously with negative things. I’ve found (the key for me), is laughing at the inexplicable, and joking about the fact it happened and focusing on what makes me happy.
I have worked hard to let go and compartmentalize my feelings to the act they pertain to, by not seeing my life as a whole but as parts of a whole has been a huge help in staying postive. I know it sounds like one day I just started doing this, but truth be told it has been something I worked on continuously for years.
Toward the end of my marriage I found perhaps the best counselor we ever saw. (We saw many). He was a behaviorist and the way he approached people he worked with was insightful and clear in ways no one has ever been. It helped spawn an interest in learning more about behaviors and how I could work on myself, I’m all for improvement! “The Road Less Traveled”‘ by Scot Peck, was phenomenally written and a huge eye opener for me. I cannot even begin to tell you how my perspective changed after reading that book.
I’m sure the behaviorist notice my change as well, because one day he replied to a complain I had during our marital session about the then husband. The behaviorist’s response was pretty clear, “you knew how he was”. And something along the lines of he isn’t going to change. From that comment on I never went back and out right refused to work on anything but myself. My only guess is why the behaviors chose then to say something was because he saw the changes in me and realized my spouse wasn’t wanting change and he was tired of us. We had been with him for years.
After that I started to pull away from being a participant in my marriage, you see I had given and given and not been given to, not emotionally like one should be. I was ensuring as I pulled away that I gave him every opportunity to prove me wrong, it didn’t happen, I was proven right over and over again.
Years early I told my husband that if things didn’t change one day I would be done and I would turn my back on him – all my feeling would be gone. I guess he didn’t believe me and took me for granted (for years) because when the day came, it was like turning a light switch on. Of course he acted like he had no clue.
I was by all account the emotionally strongest I had ever been when I filed and I still continue to strengthen my emotional resolve. At times I do have anger, and sadness, but not so much about him. He is the expletive he has always been, just became more of one. While this is not how I had envisioned my life, I have to say leaving him was the best thing I’ve ever done. And yes I’m fine, I don’t need counseling. 😮
No longer do I suffer from any disallusions of who he or who I am. While I would never have chosen this way to understand life better, it problaby was the best thing for me. I’m happier than I have ever been, and I have no illusions of where happiness comes from.
So when sandness comes I first accept it. I realize I am not alone in how I feel, I don’t dwell and I work though the pain to gain a lesson and move on. Life is too short for anything less.
I won’t be bitter. Why should I be? Why should I be angry? I want the illusion of happiness, becaaue the more you believe in happiness the happpier you’ll be.
I’m living proof:)