Need Not Reply

Commitment comes fairly easy to me. I don’t mean being able to jump into a romantic relationship as commitment.  What I mean by commitment is giving my word and having integrity – standing by my values.  I’m a very moral person.  

I refuse to arbitrarily lie and for the most part I do not lie.  For me it isn’t worth it.  The few times in my life where I have it has come back to bit me.  Besides since I am honest nothing can be held over me. I’m not talking about the little lies we all tell; that looks good on you, I’m good, wow you got my promotion (lol).

 I’m talking about the big lies some people tell with no rhym or reason. For instance, some decades ago I was suppose to go out to a New Years Eve party. We had planned to go, it was my intention to go, I was looking forward to it. However, I started feeling off, and told my then husband I was feeling off and wasn’t going.  He must have took it personal, becaaue he thought I was lying.  I’m not sure if I told him to go without me or not but needless to say we didn’t go.  

To this day I have no idea why he did it, but instead of saying i was sick, he made up an elaborate lie as to why we were not coming.  To say I was shocked is an understatement. When I asked him why on earth he would not tell them I was sick, he had no real answer. Suffice it to say he did seem to believe they wouldn’t believe the truth. Which was, I was coming down with something. 

 I still remember to this day, the odd off feeling I had. There was nothing I could put my finger on, but when it finally hit, I was so sick.  I ended up with the worst case of the stomach flu I have ever had, ever.  So bad in fact I almost went to the hospital because I could not keep anything down for days. It was awful.

When we were able to, we went out with a group of friends many of whom where at the New Years party. When they asked about what my husband had said as to why we didn’t go, I told the truth. I do not remember the lie he told, I just know I told our friends that he had lied as I was just sick with a bad flu so we did not do what he said we had.  Many people asked why he lied, my answer simply was, “I haven’t a clue, all I know is I was extremely sick.”

He really had no good reason for lying, his answer just didn’t make any sense to me.  To me, the entire reason I missed the party was a nonissue and should have been a no brainer.  Obviously if I can still recall it, it impacted me. Many of the lies he has told over the years would leave me dumbfounded and had a huge impact on our marriage.  He had no commitment to the truth or honesty and least of all I would come to see to me or our marriage. 

I wonder what causes one to be dishonest in most aspects of their life.  How unhappy they must be with who and what they are to feel lying is the answer.  To this day I do not get it and I probably never will.  For me the commitment I feel to my life, being honest, having integrity, being open and up front says something about who and what I am. Don’t get me wrong, of course I have my faults and am not even close to perfect, by my values and committed beliefs make me who I am.  

I want others to feel about me the way I do about myself.  I trust myself, I like who I am  and it behooves my sense of worth to stand up for honesty and what I see as right. So if you find you need someone who will be a committed friend, worker and woman you know where to find me.  As for the liars they need not reply. 



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