We are all searching for the same innate needs to be met in our lives. Desires we all need satiated, not because they make us whole, but because there is something satisfying in having someone close to you, you can connect to on all levels who makes you feel you’ve come home, (so to speak).
The feelings of companionship in many ways feels like an extension of who you are, or at least should. It says hey, I’m totally at ease around you, you make me feel cared for, beautiful and above all accepted.
I’ve always invisioned such a relationship for myself and strived for it even in my failed marriage. But the issue was that while we wanted the same things, we didn’t want them the same way.
I’m guessing that in order for those desires and needs to be met, you first have to know yourself, then know what you want. I don’t mean know superficially or in an abstract way, I mean really understand what makes you tick, and tock. You need the ability to spell it out, so to speak.
Anyone can connect with you, but for a connection to strike that one superlative cord something special must happen. You have to have some sort of similar ideology and a draw. I don’t mean sexually, but that’s not a bad thing to have in addition. (Unless of course it’s your BFF of 34 years. To stress friendship, platonic)
It should come as no surprise that I’ve been on some dates, recently. However thanks to those encounters I’ve had some great insight and meaningful revelations about what I want, need and have no interest in.
I’m not a flig person. How can anyone be like that? Truly? I cannot remove my feelings and act like they don’t exist. Anyone who has ever met me I am sure will attest to the fact something would have to be seriously wrong with me if I was like that in any way. Not to say I liked the dates in a manner to have “real” feelings, but to say I have feelings and dating draws my feelings in unnecessary tangles.
I’m not a serial dater. Where is the thrill in that? It’s draining to the point it feels like work. I’m only speaking from the standing point of the few dates I’ve been on and not beacause I go from date to date. I know if I feel this way with the few individual dates I’ve had, being a serial dater would be even more depleting in such unhealthy ways.
You would not believe the garbage on dating sites. Or maybe you would and I am just naïve. Unbelievable! Ew! That about sums up my feelings and experiences.
However recently, I had the pleasure of meeting a nice man. I went into it not expecting much, just to have some (hopefully) good conversation, and not someone who was after me for the obvious.
I was pleasantly surprised. Indeed we did have a great time together. I can’t tell you the last time I felt so comfortable. (Ok, I can, my BFF last week). But seriously, I felt like I knew this person much longer than the short time we spent on our date, getting to know one another.
I feel like I made a deep connection and struck up a great friendship with him. I wasn’t nervous, anxious and felt we had great rapport and chemistry. Not like I want to tear your clothes off, chemistry, but chemistry like we were making a new solution. Kind of like how hydrogen and oxygen form to be water. Superb!
I’m pretty confident that we will meet again, but of course only time will tell if he had the same great experience I felt we did and I read him correctly. Any relationship has to have honesty and friendship as its basis, as well as other intricate components. Above all you need that gut feeling that says your on the right track, oh yeah we both need to be on the same right track for it to work.
When I find out if we are indeed on the same identical track I’ll let you know. In the mean time, I’ll be working on what makes me feel alive, connected, joyful and centered.
Chug chug chug!