I have an amazing friend. We have been friends since I was 13/14. I forget how much younger she is than me, because of how level headed and calm she appears to always be. I’m pretty sure it is maybe a year or two I have her beat, but when it comes to being a friend she has me beat.
In every turn of our lives together she has shown me what true friendship means. Her first year away at college she sent me a letter, it was totally unexpected, but well received by me. I’m assuming she had some sort of clarifying moment on her end, but on mine she totally change my life. To this day that act of love and kindness is one of my most cherished and defining memories.
I had a miserable upbringing, as my mother was the party mom. When people found out and would say how lucky I was, and how awesome it would be, my answer would be :
“You would not think so if she were your mom.”
I had no idea how to draw people to me on my own, and felt they were my friend because of my mother. As a result I would end up going off alone while my mother hung out with the “so called friends.” I felt unseen and found her [my mother] loathsome for steeling my friends away, and for not being a mother. At least not how a mother should be in my book.
I suffered, I now know from anxiety, so being away from home was hard for me. In addition at my young age I didn’t know how to get people to see me, as I wasn’t even comfortable in my own skin. Of course dear old ma didn’t help, I don’t even know if she cared.
My high school years drew to a miserable end and the people I considered friends went off to college, save me who had no real plan. I assumed I’d be lucky to remain friends with any of them, after all, they didn’t come to see me, but Mary. Yes, that would be my mother.
I cannot tell you how the BFF’s letter changed my life. For the first time ever someone cared for and liked me, for no other reason than because they valued me and wanted a friendship with me. I was elated.
I have been friends with the BFF now for 34 exceptional years. She was my maid of honor at my wedding, I was hers. She has been there for the birth of my children (if they would have been on time), has been my family, my children’s Aunt, my mother, my sister, my therapist and above all a remarkable friend. In all this time she has shown me how valued and loved I am.
I have the pleasure of visiting with her and her family this week. A respit She made possible. :), because she wanted to give me a break from my life. I can’t tell you how utterly grateful I am and happy to be able to be wth her, oh at to be able work in her yard. No joke!
I’ve sat and observed, her and her family and the dynamic they have. She’s exceptionally busy at a demandingly hands on job she clearly loves. She’s down to earth but incredibly intelligent and she’s funny. She would never treat anyone inferior, even if they deserve it. She might have a tone, but usually that’s it!
She is respectful to her children, raising her voice, didn’t happen, not even once. She has lovely conversations with them just as if they were actually people! Imagine that:). Her children don’t fight or argue, even when no one is around them. They listen, hear and talk together, but like normal kids their follow through sucks. And, drum roll, they treat each other with dignity and kindness.
Her husband and her talk to each other. The entire time here they have talked to and not at each other. They do not question or seem to judge each other but instead allow Individuality. They are husband and wife but you can tell they are also friends. And yes they do irritate one another! Duh. How else would she be able to tell if he is listening!
I’ve observed and taken in her style of parenting, and the undaunting way she percerviers, making sure to store it to memory for my own use. I utterly ador her even more seeing her in her element where she can be who she is. I respect the mother, wife and woman she is.
Clearly she is the glue that binds her family together and without knowing it she binds mine. Especially with how chaotic mine and my children’s lives have been the last several years. She has made it a point to connect with all of my children in such loving ways.
I’m happy to be going home in the next few days. However this time with her and her family has been relaxing, joyful, increadably loving and eye opening. I clearly see and feel how much she loves me and how she continuously puts me first any chance she gets.
I’ve had the most difficult time writing this and hope I’ve clearly shown how deeply she is loved by me. I’m so grateful for the day I received her letter, and unltimatly the gift of her friendship and her heart. She has always and I do mean always been there in every way she could. More than a mere friend she, is the epitome of what the ideal of friendship is strived to encompass.
That my friends is how all good friendships should be.