Reverberating Matter 

Seldom in life do we get a second chance or a do over. It might seem like you have gained a reprieve, but we are responsible for our actions or lack of actions, thoughts and behaviors. Reprieves are earned. 
Our life reverberates and receives the same wavelengths we create and send out. We put in motion a constant concentric wave of energy based on who we genuinely are, not who we portray we are. Those waves touch everyone in our circumference and only stop when they lose momentum.

When we come into contact with others, our waves bounce back taking some of that persons energy, bringing it back to us. The more you come in contact with or are around someone the more energy you will absorb or have depleted from you.  

Unless you have a life altering experience you will not change. The experiences have to touch you so profoundly that you are rocked to your core, causing you to question your existence in a soul searching way. However, you will NOT change, you cannot change unless you have a base of that already internally in you, plus the strong desire of motivation to learn what you are not.

It is easier to teach new behaviors than it is to change old ones. From the time we are born, we learn a way of seeing the world projected onto us by our parents. Until we can see clearly with our own insight, feelings and eyes we flounder lost. Yes, aspects of who we are are genetic, but much of the way we choose to behave and act is a learned behavior.  

For me growing up, I can remember my mother ignoring me, becoming angry with me, pitting my siblings and I against each other, she wasn’t a mother. My father, he was hypercritical, evasive, manipulative, controlling but loving at times. The person I started out as has similarities to me but I am an nothing like her. I can honestly say she would have never made it where I am.
By age eight my parents divorced, my sister was critically ill and my childhood ended. I was parenting myself and by eleven I was lost looking for my way. Who was I? I remember vowing to never be like my mother but following her because she was my mother, my custodial parent, and I needed to be nurtured. However you can’t get love from someone who doesn’t love who they are and you can’t learn confidence if you are not show what it looks like. I did know fear, uncertainty, and loathing.
 Thanks to the wonderful people throughout my life who gave me glimpses of care and love, (that I so desperately needed), I learned to build on the energy I received from them. I absorbed their energy eagerly, slowly rebuilding myself. With macro bursts of support I received, I slowly pushed the waves of my existence sending out my energy, listening for the echo back.  

My Echo back is the external and internal peace I have now reached. I am comfortable and confident with who I am. I understand myself, accept my flaws but continue to improve on them. I have a new understanding of what it means to live, love and give. The work I do has been a valuable tool of self awareness and for the first time in my life, I am in tune with the echo I hear.  

I’m one of the exceptions.  

I earned my reprieve with dedication, hard work and a strong desire to be everything I never had. Every day I put out to the world a beautiful hum and I receive back the sweetest sound encompassing me.

I matter.


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